soccer

After a long hiatus of 7 years, i'm back to playing soccer again. My sister told me about a rec. league some of her friends are in, so I joined their team. It is pretty recreational, but surprisingly I am not very good myself either. It seems that my skills have either deteriorated or weren't that great to begin with. :) Either way, it's just fun. And I do score some goals occasionally as well. :)

Our last game, however, wasn't exactly the garden of dreams. I accidentally tripped, and while my hand was on the ground, an opposing player stepped on it. With her cleats. We both heard a "Crunch"... But I can still move my fingers, and the swelling is going down now after a couple days. Funny how you never think of hurting your hand while playing soccer. After all these years...

Here's what an un-injured hand looks like on me:

And then there's this one:

Welcome to a new year

The arrival of the new year and everyone's resolutions always make me think of that Dare You to Move song by Switchfoot, "welcome to existence...everyone's here...everyone's watching you now...what happens next...what happens next?" Kinda like there's some big great anticipation of what you will personally accomplish during the next year that the whole world is waiting for. And I never really want to believe that, you know? It's a little too much pressure. I'd much rather settle for ordinary living, easy expectations, shallow-end goals. I'm just being honest. I'm not always into change.

Maybe other people feel the same way. What motivates us to make changes? Is it the example of others? An honest look back at the past? What motivates a person to want to set goals? I've kept a journal sporadically throughout my life, starting in junior high. I remember feeling like I had nothing much to say when I was 13, but my youth pastor encouraged everyone to journal. I've been on and off for 15 years. Now is one of those off times. But I remember once during college when I started journaling again and kept it up regularly for the next few years. I think it started with an anxious day 1. and day 1 led to a less awkward day 2. When day 3 rolled around, i was started to be okay with writing. Weeks rolled into months and a pattern was set. I think the lesson for me was that I'm really motivated by the very act of doing it. Writing produces a desire to write. Memorizing produces a desire to memorize. Learning produces a desire to learn. Sounds paradoxical to me. But I wonder what I should be doing now, in order to motivate me to actually want to do it later, and keep doing it...

"the tension is here...the tension is here...between who you are and who you could be...between how it is and how it should be..."