beautifully raw

I have less pre-conceived notions about marriage than I did before I started living with my sister and her husband for the past year. And overall, that's a good thing. Here's a few things that I've learned:

1. You only get out of it what you put into it. If you want to feel cared for and loved, then do the dishes after dinner. Seriously, it's that easy (or hard, depending on how you look at it.) Brownie points are real, and you earn them by doing the dishes or taking out the garbage, or changing light bulbs. And the other person appreciates it. They then do things to care for and love you. It is a never-ending cycle of giving and receiving.
2. It's better when it's fun. The other night my sister was frustrated with their only son's behavior, after multiple spankings and time-outs. She explained to her husband how they both needed to be firm and consistent. Her husband decided that it was the perfect time to tease her, and proceeded to do so by explaining that boys were special, they deserved less punishment and more freedom, and how their son could do no wrong. My sister then said to her husband, "Go to your room!" I loved how playful this interaction was, in the midst of a still-difficult parenting moment. I loved it.
3. Nobody wins if someone wins. My sister and her husband like to joke about diffusing arguments by saying, "okay, you win." As if that is all the other person really wants - just to be right or superior. They both know that isn't really the point or the reward of conflict. Rather, they recognize that knowing and serving the other in love is.

Such a honest and heart-opening season of love and fun to be in their home....beautiful and real at the same time.

Connection

So, once again, it's been a while and time for an update...my church situation has drastically changed in the past 6 months.

You know how you search for something, and keep hoping and waiting for what might actually be out there...and then when you find it, it is better than you imagined? That's how I feel about my church. In terms of size, it really couldn't get any smaller (a good Sunday has 30-40 people) but it's diverse, full of life, and brimming with hope.

I started attending regularly back in the Spring. The main pastor has been around for a long time, but there's a growing number of young, committed people attending too. It sits in the heart of Flint, and has long been known for impacting its local community and children. People who attend are the kind of people that know the needs of the city, and look for ways to meet those needs.

And I find myself quietly celebrating this new place of worship, these new circles of friends, and this overwhelmingly authentic season of life.

baby magnet

So, we have a Wednesday ritual - my sister takes the triplets to preschool and then has the morning to herself. And I take care of the 2 yr. old boy and the 7 month old baby girl. We go get donuts, play at parks, go shopping, take walks, go to the library, and just stay out of the house in general. And everywhere we go, people think they're my kids. And let's just pretend that I don't correct them. :)

My sister has enough kids to share some with me.

my family could be a reality show...

Ever since my sister had triplets four years ago, I've thought that her family was unique. Not just in an 'everybody's special' kind of way, but more like 'everybody stares at them when they're in a store' kind of way. You know, I would stare too if I saw a mom pushing a 3 baby stroller down the street.

But crazy has a way of turning into normal. A new normal. And currently, my sister's new normal is 5 children; ages 4, 4, 4, 2, and 6 months. And I live in her basement. And sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night when the kids are crying (thunder and lightning, gotta go potty, or for no obvious reason at all) and I think to myself "I love this family." And then I think, "I should have turned the sound machine on to drown this out."

Recently, Kari gave me permission to blog exclusively on her family as if I were a reality-based t.v. producer. An insider perspective from an outsider's view. I asked if that included permission to characterize her family however I wanted. And then I told her that maybe she wouldn't want to read my blog. But it's okay, she said, she wouldn't have time for it anyway.

So today, we rode to the zoo in Saginaw (side note: Flint is not the only struggling town in mid-Michigan) and my sister's two-year old boy saw a huge Santa Claus on the side of the highway near Frankenmuth. Recognizing the familiar face, he yells out, "Jesus!" :)

a new school mascot

I really think the water buffalo should be higher on the list of possible intimidating school mascots. I didn't used to think so, but after this video, I am definitely a fan of that big beast. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

my new mentors

Here's a short list of my current teachers (they probably don't know it though):

• Eugene Peterson: prolific author, theologian, teacher, pastor...he wrote a book called Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places that beautifully reconnected me to some of Christianity's strongest themes: sabbath and rest, communion, community, and calling. I'm reading the next book in that series: Eat this Book. So far it delivers what it promises.

• John Muir: environmentalist, scientist, the original backpacker, and writer. I recently started reading a compilation of his writings. You know somebody loves the earth when a whole chapter is devoted to the Douglas Squirrel (and it's not boring!). Thanks to his (and Theodore Roosevelt's) idea of a national park system, I've seen and hiked in some of the most beautiful spots in America.

• My sister's family: Living with this family of 7 (2 parents plus 5 kids!) is a constant and true framework on how to live a life of authentic love in the common daily ordinary activities.

shopping trip

Last Christmas, my sister bought shopping carts (buggies, as they say in McDowell County) for her kids. They push them around the basement, collecting odd toys, stray dolls, playdough creations, and other sundry non-food related items. But recently, we decided to give the carts a real run for their money at a grocery store. We loaded all 4 kids and buggies into the suburban and let them lose down the aisles of Bueche's. You can imagine the smiles and stares of fellow shoppers. It was a bit chaotic, but fun (as is usually the case with these kids). And as an added bonus, we managed to make it through the checkout with everything we needed (and only 4 extra packs of gum.) 4 cheers for kids shop fest 2010!

1 minute until Florida

Living with my sister and brother-in-law is kinda a 'win-win.' They get help with their children any time they need, and I get a free trip to Florida with them! (There are other perks for me too, like being with my family, getting to invest time and energy in my nieces and nephew, and enjoying this new season of rest and relationships.) But Florida is nice too. :)

We've been counting down the days until we leave and today was the day before departure. 1 day left. Except that the kids get somewhat lost in tracking time. Anything in the past is 'yesterday.' As in "Merilee, remember when you forgot to to pack my underwear for the YMCA yesterday?" "That was a month ago, but yeah, I remember." :)

Anyway, one of the little girls reminded us today that we have 1 minute until Florida. She meant 1 day. I love her. Florida, here we come!

March Madness

After not having a T.V. for the five years I lived in West Virginia, I am now loving watching it again. But not just anything. March Madness, in particular. It brings such joy to my heart. I do love basketball. I grew up on the NBA, but while at IWU switched over to watching college ball.

And I love it that my bracket always ends up at the bottom of Gail's bracket group. People who choose Cornell (just because Andy from 'The Office' went to Cornell) end up beating me. Ahhh. I love it...

Church

As I try to find a place, a people, a community of worship, I thought I'd share a few things I've noticed...

• Most churches, in mid-Michigan anyway, are excited to have visitors (which also means that it might not be the norm)
• People ages 20-35 do not go to church. Unless they have kids. Then they're definitely there. But unmarried adults or young married adults without kids are not a high attending group. (Maybe that's why they were so excited to have me...)
• I need to give up on Sunday school. I kept hoping I would find a class, but I think Sunday school classes for people like me were abandoned when people like me also stopped going to church. Small groups during the week, however, are a very real possibility.
• In visiting 5 area churches, I have always been greeted. But I think what's been even more powerful were the times when people just came up to me and introduced themselves and started conversation. That's beautiful, I think. And it's happened at almost every single one of the churches I've visited.

One thing that really surprises me is how at home I feel in the body of Christ in any church here. I mean, they're still strangers, but brother and sister strangers at that. It's been a really good, meaningful adventure in finding a local church.

And while I still haven't found a brick and mortar building that will be my particular church home for ever more, I am beginning to find and know a people to whom I can belong to. A community. A worshipping throng. A few sisters and brothers. Some sacred place and people. Or however one might describe Church.

elbow room

Since moving to Michigan, I've been on the look-out for a part-time job. Well, not at first. (I was having too much fun to work!) But now that I'm settled, I wanted something to do where I could learn a new skill, earn some cash, and still have time to help my sister at home. So a friend of my family helped me get a part-time job at a local coffee shop, the Elbow Room.

I never thought I'd work at a coffee shop, but I always thought my friends would for some reason. Huh. But now I'm making drinks, chatting up the regulars, wiping tables, and enjoying this gift of a job. It really is amazing.

soccer

After a long hiatus of 7 years, i'm back to playing soccer again. My sister told me about a rec. league some of her friends are in, so I joined their team. It is pretty recreational, but surprisingly I am not very good myself either. It seems that my skills have either deteriorated or weren't that great to begin with. :) Either way, it's just fun. And I do score some goals occasionally as well. :)

Our last game, however, wasn't exactly the garden of dreams. I accidentally tripped, and while my hand was on the ground, an opposing player stepped on it. With her cleats. We both heard a "Crunch"... But I can still move my fingers, and the swelling is going down now after a couple days. Funny how you never think of hurting your hand while playing soccer. After all these years...

Here's what an un-injured hand looks like on me:

And then there's this one:

Welcome to a new year

The arrival of the new year and everyone's resolutions always make me think of that Dare You to Move song by Switchfoot, "welcome to existence...everyone's here...everyone's watching you now...what happens next...what happens next?" Kinda like there's some big great anticipation of what you will personally accomplish during the next year that the whole world is waiting for. And I never really want to believe that, you know? It's a little too much pressure. I'd much rather settle for ordinary living, easy expectations, shallow-end goals. I'm just being honest. I'm not always into change.

Maybe other people feel the same way. What motivates us to make changes? Is it the example of others? An honest look back at the past? What motivates a person to want to set goals? I've kept a journal sporadically throughout my life, starting in junior high. I remember feeling like I had nothing much to say when I was 13, but my youth pastor encouraged everyone to journal. I've been on and off for 15 years. Now is one of those off times. But I remember once during college when I started journaling again and kept it up regularly for the next few years. I think it started with an anxious day 1. and day 1 led to a less awkward day 2. When day 3 rolled around, i was started to be okay with writing. Weeks rolled into months and a pattern was set. I think the lesson for me was that I'm really motivated by the very act of doing it. Writing produces a desire to write. Memorizing produces a desire to memorize. Learning produces a desire to learn. Sounds paradoxical to me. But I wonder what I should be doing now, in order to motivate me to actually want to do it later, and keep doing it...

"the tension is here...the tension is here...between who you are and who you could be...between how it is and how it should be..."

Goodbye, McDowell

I promised some people i love a blog - so here it is...

Very rarely in life have I sensed that I was about to turn a corner. A change coming. A new chapter about to be written. But tomorrow is one of those days. I rented a Budget rental truck today; all of my earthly belongings are in boxes on my bedroom floor; and I have said a lot of goodbyes this week. Tomorrow I move to Flint, Michigan and am moving in with my sister's family. And for the first time in my life, I'm leaving behind a community, a ministry, and friends with a very strong sense that I'll never be back. I mean, I'll visit, sure. I'll come back for hiking or for catching up with friends here in West Virginia. But I'm definitely leaving. And that is weird. I thought I'd be ready. Instead, I'm just emotional. And numb, all at the same time.

Goodbye, beautiful mountains, whose golden leaves take my breath away every October...

Goodbye, winding mountain trails, your paths have given me incredible time alone and with God

Goodbye, train tracks 35 feet from my house whose brakes squeal so loudly in the middle of important conversations that I can't hear my own thoughts, let alone others...I won't really miss you much...

Goodbye, Blankenships and Wallaces, Wilsons and Heeres, Hammonds, Kristen, and Candi...your homes are warm and comforting and good, much like yourselves.

Goodbye, McDowell County...I love how much you value the relationship more than the task...you have changed me.

Hello, Flint.

ode to Oregon

after a week of backpacking in Oregon, i feel thankful. thankful enough to write a poem in OR's behalf...

swaying pine trees circle 'round the lake

hiking up and down your mounts is no piece of cake

i will miss your snow-capped peaks and raging rivers

remembered time in your forest still make me shiver(s)

with love to Oregon,

from Merilee. :)

Summer fun-tivities

My friend Calli called me up the other day to invite me to a fiddler's convention. A fiddler's convention! Count me in!

The music was sweet, the festivities fun, and the pork sandwiches greasy. Here's to bluegrass fiddlin' and good times with friends!

"Get the *** out of the way!"

It's a rare thing indeed to be sworn at. I have to admit it takes me by surprise every time. So today, when I was dropping a book off at a teen's house (which he accidently left in my vehicle) and his grandpa yelled those words at me, I didn't know what to do. Well, actually, I did know to do something. I moved my vehicle (I was unknowingly blocking a bus from turning around in the street and that's why grandpa got angry).

And then I let grandpa go by too (without looking him in the eye because i was a little unnerved).

And then I told the teen that it was okay. And he said, "He gets angry real easy. He always says stuff like that."

I can't imagine growing up in a house where you get verbally abused for accidently doing something that was not ideal. It was a window into this young kid's life.

And now I'm left feeling really bad for this kid. And grateful for my parents' kindness. And with hope for how God might show his kindness to a 14 year-old boy through me.

update on hp scam

For all 6 of you faithful blog readers, here's an update on my ink cartridge situation. i had a nice little chat with 'Bailey' - an HP online technical support person. I think they give all the tech people that name (i've had multiple conversations with 'Bailey'). And there's no way around this dilema - I had to buy new ink cartridges. $122. ouch.

And then, the quality of my printing was poor, so after much problem-solving and cleaning of my own, Bailey told me that my printerheads were expired too. Nice. I could still print, but the quality would remain low until i purchased new printerheads. $100. double ouch.

It had been 4 years since I had received the printer, so I can understand how things like printer heads just get worn out. It's just bad timing. And next time, I'll make sure to use up the ink before it expires. Buyer beware, huh?

ink cartrige scam

So, I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone else: your printer stops working suddenly because the ink cartridges have expired. Wait, though...they still have plenty of ink in them! But because there's an expired date on the cartridge that the computer found out about (proof that Dwight Schrute was right and computers are smarter than people), it can no longer print. Ridiculous. I think that HP is running an subtle scam to force scrupulous people who don't use a lot of ink to spend more money on ink supplies.

Seasonal Confusion Disorder

The grass is green, the trees are blooming yellow and white and red...but I can't see them because everything is covered in snow. And I'm concerned that the earth might be suffering from a serious disease: Seasonal Confusional Disorder (SCD for abbrev. lovers out there). How can Spring do this to me, to us? Does it know that it probably killed the cherries that I absolutely look forward to every June? Oh, Spring...you'll have to work hard to redeem yourself from this one...