inklings

beautifully raw

2010-12-09T22:45:00.002-05:00

I have less pre-conceived notions about marriage than I did before I started living with my sister and her husband for the past year. And overall, that's a good thing. Here's a few things that I've learned:

You only get out of it what you put into it. If you want to feel cared for and loved, then do the dishes after dinner. Seriously, it's that easy (or hard, depending on how you look at it.) Brownie points are real, and you earn them by doing the dishes or taking out the garbage, or changing light bulbs. And the other person appreciates it. They then do things to care for and love you. It is a never-ending cycle of giving and receiving.
It's better when it's fun. The other night my sister was frustrated with their only son's behavior, after multiple spankings and time-outs. She explained to her husband how they both needed to be firm and consistent. Her husband decided that it was the perfect time to tease her, and proceeded to do so by explaining that boys were special, they deserved less punishment and more freedom, and how their son could do no wrong. My sister then said to her husband, "Go to your room!" I loved how playful this interaction was, in the midst of a still-difficult parenting moment. I loved it.
Nobody wins if someone wins. My sister and her husband like to joke about diffusing arguments by saying, "okay, you win." As if that is all the other person really wants - just to be right or superior. They both know that isn't really the point or the reward of conflict. Rather, they recognize that knowing and serving the other in love is.

Such a honest and heart-opening season of love and fun to be in their home....beautiful and real at the same time.

Connection

2010-11-21T21:15:00.002-05:00

So, once again, it's been a while and time for an update...my church situation has drastically changed in the past 6 months.

You know how you search for something, and keep hoping and waiting for what might actually be out there...and then when you find it, it is better than you imagined? That's how I feel about my church. In terms of size, it really couldn't get any smaller (a good Sunday has 30-40 people) but it's diverse, full of life, and brimming with hope.

I started attending regularly back in the Spring. The main pastor has been around for a long time, but there's a growing number of young, committed people attending too. It sits in the heart of Flint, and has long been known for impacting its local community and children. People who attend are the kind of people that know the needs of the city, and look for ways to meet those needs.

And I find myself quietly celebrating this new place of worship, these new circles of friends, and this overwhelmingly authentic season of life.

baby magnet

2010-09-22T19:37:00.003-04:00

So, we have a Wednesday ritual - my sister takes the triplets to preschool and then has the morning to herself. And I take care of the 2 yr. old boy and the 7 month old baby girl. We go get donuts, play at parks, go shopping, take walks, go to the library, and just stay out of the house in general. And everywhere we go, people think they're my kids. And let's just pretend that I don't correct them. :)

My sister has enough kids to share some with me.

my family could be a reality show...

2010-09-08T14:08:00.002-04:00

Ever since my sister had triplets four years ago, I've thought that her family was unique. Not just in an 'everybody's special' kind of way, but more like 'everybody stares at them when they're in a store' kind of way. You know, I would stare too if I saw a mom pushing a 3 baby stroller down the street.

But crazy has a way of turning into normal. A new normal. And currently, my sister's new normal is 5 children; ages 4, 4, 4, 2, and 6 months. And I live in her basement. And sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night when the kids are crying (thunder and lightning, gotta go potty, or for no obvious reason at all) and I think to myself "I love this family." And then I think, "I should have turned the sound machine on to drown this out."

Recently, Kari gave me permission to blog exclusively on her family as if I were a reality-based t.v. producer. An insider perspective from an outsider's view. I asked if that included permission to characterize her family however I wanted. And then I told her that maybe she wouldn't want to read my blog. But it's okay, she said, she wouldn't have time for it anyway.

So today, we rode to the zoo in Saginaw (side note: Flint is not the only struggling town in mid-Michigan) and my sister's two-year old boy saw a huge Santa Claus on the side of the highway near Frankenmuth. Recognizing the familiar face, he yells out, "Jesus!" :)

a new school mascot

2010-08-18T12:09:00.002-04:00

I really think the water buffalo should be higher on the list of possible intimidating school mascots. I didn't used to think so, but after this video, I am definitely a fan of that big beast. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

my new mentors

2010-05-24T13:37:00.005-04:00

Here's a short list of my current teachers (they probably don't know it though):

Eugene Peterson: prolific author, theologian, teacher, pastor...he wrote a book called Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places that beautifully reconnected me to some of Christianity's strongest themes: sabbath and rest, communion, community, and calling. I'm reading the next book in that series: Eat this Book. So far it delivers what it promises.

John Muir: environmentalist, scientist, the original backpacker, and writer. I recently started reading a compilation of his writings. You know somebody loves the earth when a whole chapter is devoted to the Douglas Squirrel (and it's not boring!). Thanks to his (and Theodore Roosevelt's) idea of a national park system, I've seen and hiked in some of the most beautiful spots in America.

My sister's family: Living with this family of 7 (2 parents plus 5 kids!) is a constant and true framework on how to live a life of authentic love in the common daily ordinary activities.

shopping trip

2010-04-19T23:34:00.003-04:00

Last Christmas, my sister bought shopping carts (buggies, as they say in McDowell County) for her kids. They push them around the basement, collecting odd toys, stray dolls, playdough creations, and other sundry non-food related items. But recently, we decided to give the carts a real run for their money at a grocery store. We loaded all 4 kids and buggies into the suburban and let them lose down the aisles of Bueche's. You can imagine the smiles and stares of fellow shoppers. It was a bit chaotic, but fun (as is usually the case with these kids). And as an added bonus, we managed to make it through the checkout with everything we needed (and only 4 extra packs of gum.) 4 cheers for kids shop fest 2010!

1 minute until Florida

2010-04-09T18:43:00.003-04:00

Living with my sister and brother-in-law is kinda a 'win-win.' They get help with their children any time they need, and I get a free trip to Florida with them! (There are other perks for me too, like being with my family, getting to invest time and energy in my nieces and nephew, and enjoying this new season of rest and relationships.) But Florida is nice too. :)

We've been counting down the days until we leave and today was the day before departure. 1 day left. Except that the kids get somewhat lost in tracking time. Anything in the past is 'yesterday.' As in "Merilee, remember when you forgot to to pack my underwear for the YMCA yesterday?" "That was a month ago, but yeah, I remember." :)

Anyway, one of the little girls reminded us today that we have 1 minute until Florida. She meant 1 day. I love her. Florida, here we come!

March Madness

2010-03-28T18:00:00.002-04:00

After not having a T.V. for the five years I lived in West Virginia, I am now loving watching it again. But not just anything. March Madness, in particular. It brings such joy to my heart. I do love basketball. I grew up on the NBA, but while at IWU switched over to watching college ball.

And I love it that my bracket always ends up at the bottom of Gail's bracket group. People who choose Cornell (just because Andy from 'The Office' went to Cornell) end up beating me. Ahhh. I love it...

Church

2010-03-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

As I try to find a place, a people, a community of worship, I thought I'd share a few things I've noticed...

Most churches, in mid-Michigan anyway, are excited to have visitors (which also means that it might not be the norm)
People ages 20-35 do not go to church. Unless they have kids. Then they're definitely there. But unmarried adults or young married adults without kids are not a high attending group. (Maybe that's why they were so excited to have me...)
I need to give up on Sunday school. I kept hoping I would find a class, but I think Sunday school classes for people like me were abandoned when people like me also stopped going to church. Small groups during the week, however, are a very real possibility.
In visiting 5 area churches, I have always been greeted. But I think what's been even more powerful were the times when people just came up to me and introduced themselves and started conversation. That's beautiful, I think. And it's happened at almost every single one of the churches I've visited.

One thing that really surprises me is how at home I feel in the body of Christ in any church here. I mean, they're still strangers, but brother and sister strangers at that. It's been a really good, meaningful adventure in finding a local church.

And while I still haven't found a brick and mortar building that will be my particular church home for ever more, I am beginning to find and know a people to whom I can belong to. A community. A worshipping throng. A few sisters and brothers. Some sacred place and people. Or however one might describe Church.

elbow room

2010-02-16T20:43:00.001-05:00

Since moving to Michigan, I've been on the look-out for a part-time job. Well, not at first. (I was having too much fun to work!) But now that I'm settled, I wanted something to do where I could learn a new skill, earn some cash, and still have time to help my sister at home. So a friend of my family helped me get a part-time job at a local coffee shop, the Elbow Room.

I never thought I'd work at a coffee shop, but I always thought my friends would for some reason. Huh. But now I'm making drinks, chatting up the regulars, wiping tables, and enjoying this gift of a job. It really is amazing.

soccer

2010-01-27T16:51:00.005-05:00

After a long hiatus of 7 years, i'm back to playing soccer again. My sister told me about a rec. league some of her friends are in, so I joined their team. It is pretty recreational, but surprisingly I am not very good myself either. It seems that my skills have either deteriorated or weren't that great to begin with. :) Either way, it's just fun. And I do score some goals occasionally as well. :)

Our last game, however, wasn't exactly the garden of dreams. I accidentally tripped, and while my hand was on the ground, an opposing player stepped on it. With her cleats. We both heard a "Crunch"... But I can still move my fingers, and the swelling is going down now after a couple days. Funny how you never think of hurting your hand while playing soccer. After all these years...

Here's what an un-injured hand looks like on me:

And then there's this one:

Welcome to a new year

2010-01-04T21:58:00.002-05:00

The arrival of the new year and everyone's resolutions always make me think of that Dare You to Move song by Switchfoot, "welcome to existence...everyone's here...everyone's watching you now...what happens next...what happens next?" Kinda like there's some big great anticipation of what you will personally accomplish during the next year that the whole world is waiting for. And I never really want to believe that, you know? It's a little too much pressure. I'd much rather settle for ordinary living, easy expectations, shallow-end goals. I'm just being honest. I'm not always into change.

Maybe other people feel the same way. What motivates us to make changes? Is it the example of others? An honest look back at the past? What motivates a person to want to set goals? I've kept a journal sporadically throughout my life, starting in junior high. I remember feeling like I had nothing much to say when I was 13, but my youth pastor encouraged everyone to journal. I've been on and off for 15 years. Now is one of those off times. But I remember once during college when I started journaling again and kept it up regularly for the next few years. I think it started with an anxious day 1. and day 1 led to a less awkward day 2. When day 3 rolled around, i was started to be okay with writing. Weeks rolled into months and a pattern was set. I think the lesson for me was that I'm really motivated by the very act of doing it. Writing produces a desire to write. Memorizing produces a desire to memorize. Learning produces a desire to learn. Sounds paradoxical to me. But I wonder what I should be doing now, in order to motivate me to actually want to do it later, and keep doing it...

"the tension is here...the tension is here...between who you are and who you could be...between how it is and how it should be..."

Goodbye, McDowell

2009-11-24T22:04:00.002-05:00

I promised some people i love a blog - so here it is...

Very rarely in life have I sensed that I was about to turn a corner. A change coming. A new chapter about to be written. But tomorrow is one of those days. I rented a Budget rental truck today; all of my earthly belongings are in boxes on my bedroom floor; and I have said a lot of goodbyes this week. Tomorrow I move to Flint, Michigan and am moving in with my sister's family. And for the first time in my life, I'm leaving behind a community, a ministry, and friends with a very strong sense that I'll never be back. I mean, I'll visit, sure. I'll come back for hiking or for catching up with friends here in West Virginia. But I'm definitely leaving. And that is weird. I thought I'd be ready. Instead, I'm just emotional. And numb, all at the same time.

Goodbye, beautiful mountains, whose golden leaves take my breath away every October...

Goodbye, winding mountain trails, your paths have given me incredible time alone and with God

Goodbye, train tracks 35 feet from my house whose brakes squeal so loudly in the middle of important conversations that I can't hear my own thoughts, let alone others...I won't really miss you much...

Goodbye, Blankenships and Wallaces, Wilsons and Heeres, Hammonds, Kristen, and Candi...your homes are warm and comforting and good, much like yourselves.

Goodbye, McDowell County...I love how much you value the relationship more than the task...you have changed me.

Hello, Flint.

ode to Oregon

2009-08-31T22:17:00.005-04:00

after a week of backpacking in Oregon, i feel thankful. thankful enough to write a poem in OR's behalf...

swaying pine trees circle 'round the lake

hiking up and down your mounts is no piece of cake

i will miss your snow-capped peaks and raging rivers

remembered time in your forest still make me shiver(s)

with love to Oregon,

from Merilee. :)

Summer fun-tivities

2009-08-06T09:28:00.004-04:00

My friend Calli called me up the other day to invite me to a fiddler's convention. A fiddler's convention! Count me in!

The music was sweet, the festivities fun, and the pork sandwiches greasy. Here's to bluegrass fiddlin' and good times with friends!

"Get the *** out of the way!"

2009-06-04T19:11:00.002-04:00

It's a rare thing indeed to be sworn at. I have to admit it takes me by surprise every time. So today, when I was dropping a book off at a teen's house (which he accidently left in my vehicle) and his grandpa yelled those words at me, I didn't know what to do. Well, actually, I did know to do something. I moved my vehicle (I was unknowingly blocking a bus from turning around in the street and that's why grandpa got angry).

And then I let grandpa go by too (without looking him in the eye because i was a little unnerved).

And then I told the teen that it was okay. And he said, "He gets angry real easy. He always says stuff like that."

I can't imagine growing up in a house where you get verbally abused for accidently doing something that was not ideal. It was a window into this young kid's life.

And now I'm left feeling really bad for this kid. And grateful for my parents' kindness. And with hope for how God might show his kindness to a 14 year-old boy through me.

update on hp scam

2009-05-05T18:22:00.002-04:00

For all 6 of you faithful blog readers, here's an update on my ink cartridge situation. i had a nice little chat with 'Bailey' - an HP online technical support person. I think they give all the tech people that name (i've had multiple conversations with 'Bailey'). And there's no way around this dilema - I had to buy new ink cartridges. $122. ouch.

And then, the quality of my printing was poor, so after much problem-solving and cleaning of my own, Bailey told me that my printerheads were expired too. Nice. I could still print, but the quality would remain low until i purchased new printerheads. $100. double ouch.

It had been 4 years since I had received the printer, so I can understand how things like printer heads just get worn out. It's just bad timing. And next time, I'll make sure to use up the ink before it expires. Buyer beware, huh?

ink cartrige scam

2009-04-14T14:12:00.002-04:00

So, I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone else: your printer stops working suddenly because the ink cartridges have expired. Wait, though...they still have plenty of ink in them! But because there's an expired date on the cartridge that the computer found out about (proof that Dwight Schrute was right and computers are smarter than people), it can no longer print. Ridiculous. I think that HP is running an subtle scam to force scrupulous people who don't use a lot of ink to spend more money on ink supplies.

Seasonal Confusion Disorder

2009-04-07T23:09:00.002-04:00

The grass is green, the trees are blooming yellow and white and red...but I can't see them because everything is covered in snow. And I'm concerned that the earth might be suffering from a serious disease: Seasonal Confusional Disorder (SCD for abbrev. lovers out there). How can Spring do this to me, to us? Does it know that it probably killed the cherries that I absolutely look forward to every June? Oh, Spring...you'll have to work hard to redeem yourself from this one...

3 cheers for Spring!

2009-04-05T21:41:00.003-04:00

It's warm and sunny in West Virginia - so here's some cheers on Spring's behalf:
-to an incredible 80 degree day today
-to feeling motivated to clean my house (like washing my coal-dusty living room curtains)
-to Ultimate Frisbee with some friends on top of a mountain
-to listening to songs on my mp3 player in A-Z order (i never know what's next)...right now I'm on the 'c's
-to 7-up and freshly squeezed lime
-to Resurrection Sunday next weekend!

ah nuts

2009-03-31T19:19:00.003-04:00

so i was on the appalachian trail this past weekend, and did a fair bit of walking....over the hills and through the woods, but not to grandma's house. :)

i stayed at a shelter in the middle of nowhere and a nice wind/rain storm came up during the night. but i awoke to a peaceful morning. nice. when i put on my shoes to start hiking again, i found a little surprise: 4-5 nuts stored away in my left shoe. apparently, some little squirrel or furry rodent decided to dry their stash of food in my smelly shoes. not where i would store food....but i'm glad my shoes can be some creature's food pantry...as long as they don't become their bathroom as well.

looking back

2009-03-25T21:46:00.003-04:00

i don't know why i haven't blogged in a month...sorry 'bout that...

this week, i'm attending a conference on entrepreneurship. i'm getting some new curriculum, meeting some fellow entrepreneurship-oreinted people, and enjoying the break from the ordinary work week. it's been good.

at several moments this week, i've had this thought - i love what i do in west virginia. you know when you've been doing something long enough that the questions and fears and worries and struggles and frustrations you had when you started just aren't there any more? and you're not as concerned about getting it perfect, cuz you know that 90% is just showing up (thanks to randy wallace for that jewel of a quote). and you're confident in the One who has been with you all along. that's kinda where i am.

it's nice to have roots somewhere. 5 years isn't that long to live somewhere, but it sure does make me realize that you live 5 years of life one day at a time.

Highlights

2009-02-25T22:40:00.002-05:00

Favorite moments from the day:

Realizing my dog is as big as I am when he stood next to me on his hind legs, put his paws on the fence, and tried licking my face.
A great conversation with a student I've known for years. He lives in my neighborhood and called me to talk about Jesus. Does it get any better than that?
Washing dishes + fun, loud music = a good time
Facebook conversation with an old friend (and I mean old...junior high crush old...)
Laughing with (and at) teens I work with who eat wheat thins with icecream and string cheese. Obviously, they have no tastebuds. :)

It's been a good day, in my opinion.

Appalachia on primetime

2009-02-21T21:39:00.002-05:00

Last weekend, ABC network aired a 20/20 special entitled: "Children of the mountains." Filmed in rural Kentucky, the show chronicled families and their struggles in modern day Appalachian towns. It told the stories of several children growing up in dysfunctional families, and who are trying to make a future for themselves. Set amidst the background of poverty and despair, their stories are true and gritty. They're the kind of stories that are echoed all around me in McDowell County, W.V.

In some instances, films or books or documentaries on Appalachian border on extremism (i.e. "let's find the dirtiest, grubbiest, bare-footed kids or the crazy man on the road or the snake handling church and then we'll take their pictures and talk about how poor and dysfunctional people there are" etc.). But I kinda feel like this show differed from that. Taking the vantage point of a child or teen, they show the effects of poverty, as well as its causes. It emphasis the beauty and hurt that engulfs the region of our nation. It's worth checking out if you've ever wondered about what it might look or feel like to live in the heart of rural Appalachia. Here's the link to the written story, and there's a full length video of the entire 1 hour program accessible on this site as well.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Story?id=6865077&page=1

Train Ride

2009-02-16T21:28:00.003-05:00

While I was in India...(I may intro a lot of my subsequent blogs like this to get a bunch of stories off of my chest, just so you all know...)

Melissa and I had just left Kolkata and were traveling by train to Agra (going to see the Taj Mahal and other palaces, forts, etc.). It so happened that we had recently seen the movie Slumdog Millionaire. In fact, Melissa just blogged about this movie and her reflections on it, check out her blog at http://www.melissahayward.com/ for her honest reaction to it. The images and faces of children in the movie, their suffering, and the painful reality that it wasn't just a movie still swirled in my head as we sat on the train for a 22 hour ride across the country.

I rode all night, trying my best to sleep amidst the sound of the engine and the strange surroundings. In the morning, I awoke to several things: the sun gleaming through the bars in the window, the chai wallah's voice ringing out his call for morning tea, and two eunuchs passing through. I had just got down from my sleeping area and was sitting quietly on a bench when they approached. In India, the blessing of a eunuch is valued, and the curse even more greatly feared. They are known to show up at weddings or births, pronounce a blessing, and then ask for money. Typically, they dress in a sari (traditional women's clothing). They also beg or prostitute for money and can be seen as aggressive and demanding.

I'll admit, I was a bit nervous - I didn't know what to expect (and I had just woken up too!) One of them asked aggressively for money, while standing 1 inch away from my face. They danced slightly in the aisle, and clapped their hands together lightly in a repetitive manner. I shook my head no. Then, he/she moved on to the passenger next to me. With more insistence, they danced, clapped, and motioned to the passenger for money. When the passenger hesitated, the eunuch began to lift up the skirt of his sari. The passenger quickly gave them money, and the eunuchs moved on to the next train car.

A little while later, a blind man stumbled through our passenger car. He said little. He held out his hand. His eyes were lifeless. Somebody put a rupee into his hand. Scenes from Slumdog Millionaire flashed through my mind. I looked down. How did this man became blind? What happened to him when he was little? Why? He stayed only for a brief moment and then shuffled to the next car.

Later on in the day (still on the train), I was listening to the Caedmon's Call's album, Share the Well, whose songs, styles, and themes center on India. And on Hope. And I was overwhelmed. I pulled my scarf over my head and face as the tears rolled down. Suffering and pain took on a face that day. The face of blind helplessness. The caked-on make-up and piercing eyes of the eunuch. The boy who swept the train floor on his hands and knees. The two little girls asking for our leftover breakfast crumbs. If the suffering of humanity became a flood surrounding me that day, then hope also became a song. A song that entertained the possibility of swallowing all hurt. All pain. A song of immense implications. A song that delivered what it promised. Not only for me, but for the world. For India. For the eunuch. For the blind. For the poor. For the forgotten.

Coming back

2009-02-11T21:51:00.002-05:00

I've realized that traveling back home to West Virginia after spending time away is hard for me. It's difficult to return after the holidays or great hiking trips or weekend visits with my family. It's just difficult. I haven't really figured out how to come back, or better said, how to want to come back. It's weird, though. I love living in West Virginia; I love the mountains; I love my community; I love the ministry I work with...but it's still hard for me to come back each time. I'm just being honest...

So, after spending a month in India and extended time before and after the trip with my family, needless to say, it was hard to come back to W.V. Perhaps it was the fullness of relationships that I experienced while I was away. Every day spent with Melissa and her friends, each day full of interactions with others, incredibly rich conversations with people, eating and laughing over countless meals with others...it was just so full emotionally and relationally for me. In contrast to living alone, it was radically different and satisfying. Good for my heart. I am still savoring it.

I was pondering all of this as I drove into my alley-way in McDowell County, West Virginia on Monday evening. It had been a long time since I walked into my little white house. I expected silence and emptiness. But I was not expecting notes and food and little trinkets of love from friends in W.V. Several of my friends and co-workers had left these little goodies on my kitchen counter to welcome me back. "We missed you, Merilee," the notes said. It was incredible. It made my heart sing. And then today, I stopped by the home of a family who runs a ministry in the county. The wife did a happy dance when she saw me and gave me a big hug. The daughter was about to run and jump on me when someone got in her way and she had to settle for a simple hug instead. Unexpected welcomes. Unexpected joy. Perhaps there is a fullness of relationships here that I have yet to mine or explore. Perhaps my heart can learn to drink deeply not only in India, but also in the hills of West Virginia.

Kolkata

2009-01-21T02:12:00.002-05:00

I arrived in Kolkata Sunday night, and have been staying at the flat of a friend of Melissa's. As I sit here, I can hear the sounds of Kolkata outside. Horns blaring, engines reving, people shouting - in lots of ways it so closely resembles every other Indian city that I've experienced. It just seems the same. But, I think, under the surface, this city is different.

Here's some of the differences that I know of so far:

This city is crowded. It's not the most populous city of India (Bombay wins that distinction with 17+ million people) but it is still the most congested. Wikipedia said that it's road space, with population density factored in, is 6%. Bombay has 17% road space and Delhi has 23%.
When Melissa and I flew into Kolkata and caught a taxi to her friend's apartment, the air seemed heavy, thick and dark. I don't think it was just the smog (although I think that was a large part of it!) It seems like this city has a feeling of heaviness, or despair. Listening to some of my friends' reflection on the struggles of this city has also helped shed light on the clear struggles and issues of the people they know here.
Some of the other cities I've visited have a definite 'Western' flavor to them. A few years ago, I visited Bangalore and Chennai. Now, in comparision, they seem much more 'metro' and blended with Eastern and Western values. Kolkata is more traditional. I've seen fewer women wearing western dress (jeans and tops) and more wearing the long shirts and drapped scarves. This is a place of stronger Indian values.
Similarily, Kolkata just isn't a tourist spot like other Indian cities are. There are places in the city where you would find more westerners shopping, but not as many and not as many 'attractions' either. I've asked my friends where I can go to really see the city, and there just aren't monuments or places or attractions. The city is the streets, the small shops, and the 15 million people dwelling here...

Melissa's Goodbyes

2009-01-07T19:18:00.003-05:00

I knew when I was planning this trip that I would be stepping into another world. Not just the Indian world, with all of its particular disctinctions (like speedy rickshaw drivers in insane traffic in noise-ridden cities) but also the world belonging to Melissa for the past year. The past 3 days in Mumbai have been an upclose glimpse into her world, her work, her friendships, her life...and also a time of watching her say goodbye to many of those things.

Her closet in her room is full of goodbye gifts from friends...A beautiful pashmina scarf, a salwar suit from her co-workers, the complete 3-season set of 'arrested development - her favorite tv show...I sense the fullness of her time here. I've seen the love and tears on the faces of her friends. They spoke words of affirmation and deeply rooted tenderness for her. In a year of living here, Melissa has lived it fully and lived it well.

And now she's moving on. And it is a privilege to be a small part of this transition.

Today (in 3 hours) we leave for Nepal. Seeing Kathmandu, backpacking in the Himalayans near Pokhara, watching the sun rise over the highest peaks in the world - that is what's in store for us for the next week and a half.

Goodbye, Mumbai. Hello, Nepal.

Safe and Sound

2009-01-04T23:19:00.002-05:00

Today I woke up in Mumbai, India. The long-awaited adventure is finally coming alive. :) Yesterday was full of air travel, lots of sitting, airline food, falling asleep under a comfy airline blanket, waiting, watching movies on the plane, finishing a good book...and now a day and a half later, I'm sitting in Melissa's apartment in Mumbai.
The weather is warm, but not hot. A perfect 80 degrees. Apparently January is a great time to visit. The crows woke me up this morning - they're constantly making noise. I hear children playing and vendors hawking food and someone sweeping outside right now. I have yet to venure outside, but I think I will soon. There's much to experience...

Tomorrow

2009-01-02T11:39:00.002-05:00

My to-do list today:
-pack for India
-make sure my banks know I'll be overseas for a month
-get some $ from the bank
-call my friend Lacy to see how my dog is doing without me
-copy my passport
-pick up some last minute toiletries at the store
-play dolls with my nieces

....and then I leave for the airport tomorrow!

Bathroom on board

2008-12-28T23:14:00.002-05:00

One of my sisters has 3 little girls, all the same age...triplets is what most people call them. But I kinda feel like that lumps them together too much, or that it names them according to how many they are. You don't hear people saying, "Well, look at that single over there, just smiling at his momma..." Anyway, I have these beautiful nieces that are just beginning to learn how to use the potty. And I'm learning that making the most of the moment is key in potty training. Cuz I already knew that when you gotta go, you gotta go.

So we're leaving Bob Evans today after lunch (somewhat in a hurry, cuz their baby brother is really tired) and Kate had to go. We had already loaded up all kids and adults in the Suburban, which is no small task, and there was no looking back. Good thing their mom had packed a potty-to-go seat! 1 minute later, we were pulling out of the restaurant, Kate was feeling good, and everybody knew not to kick over the potty seat.

Who knew that Suburbans come equipped with a bathroom?

Away for a bit

2008-12-23T22:38:00.002-05:00

It seems like the past month has passed rather quickly. And now I am home for the holidays...away from West Virginia, relaxing with my family, playing with my nieces and nephews (a new nephew just born on Sunday too!), and enjoying the strange feeling of not having any work to do today...or tomorrow.

Hopefully, I'll blog a bit more throughout this Christmas break. There is always much to feel and say and experience during time away from routine and normal living. But, then again, I like living in the moment and I may not blog any time soon, so I can fully enjoy this season of rest.

I have been anticipating this Christmas break for the past 12 months. Not just because it's a good long time with my family, but because it will be even more than that. On January 3rd, I'm heading overseas for a month to visit Mel. The good times will roll, my friends...I can't wait!

More about the trip to come...

The thing of fire

2008-11-22T10:24:00.003-05:00

brrrr....it's a chilly 12 degrees outside. As I try to get my coal stove burning hot this morning, I've learned a few things about myself:

1) I enjoy a challenge. This morning, the challenge involved adding coal to my stove without smothering the fire, so my house would warm up quickly. Other challenges in life aren't always so straightforward or simple. (What about when I'm not connecting well relationally with someone and the challenge is to keep loving them? Do I enjoy it then? hmmmm...)

2) I have a tendency to get anxious. I want things and answers and solutions and progress and results and movement (and a warm house) without the waiting and hoping and working and struggling and trying and failing and hoping again. Working to get my fire going strong has finally produced results - my house is warming. (How easy has it become to focus on the struggles or the problems that seem to be unsolvable...in my Appalachian community or in my own life...)

3) I don't mind asking for help. I called my friend Lacy for his advice on making the fire burn hotter, and he gave me some great tips. He's the kind of friend who would help me out any time I needed it, no matter what. And he has, countless times. I can't imagine living in McDowell County without him. I think my self-sufficient tendencies are slowly changing. And this is a good thing.

4) I love celebrating. My house is warm - I think that's cause for a party (maybe a 'drink coffee and read a good book' party, but a party nonetheless). I need to celebrate the good, small things in life more. A warm house, a faithful friend, a good cup of coffee, a phone call to my sister, a day to relax...

A fresh look

2008-11-11T20:12:00.005-05:00

A while back, I started painting my house. A big project indeed. It's finally finished. Enjoy what I get to see everyday... (and if you notice white paint on the black trim, it's because I simply decided to forget about painting the trim. You gotta have priorities when you paint your house by yourself...)

How's that for a red door?

2008-11-07T21:34:00.002-05:00

I just realized that my friend Calli 'tagged' me on her blog...sorry it took so long for me to respond, Calli.

(by the way, I just learned that 'tagging' involves sharing 6 facts and then 'tagging' someone else in blog world. so here goes:)

1) My sister has triplets (Kate, Khloe, and Kelsea). This really isn't news - most of you know this. But what you may not know is that even though they're 2 years old, they change each other's diapers! My sister said that one day Kate walked into the living room after her nap with a clean diaper on. My sister asked her, "Who changed your diaper?" Kate said, "Kelsea." Then my sister watched as Kelsea changed Khloe's diaper too. Way to go, girls!

2) I really like re-runs. And not just of t.v. shows (although I will watch the same Office episode twice in the same week) but also movies or stories or sermons. Pretty much any auditory experience. If it's good, I like hearing it two or three times. I forget things easily, so I rely on repitition to remember. I really enjoy hearing a good story told twice (for real!)

3) I wanted to be a dentist when I was in grade school. My grandpa was a dentist and he was really excited about my plans, so he gave me his full set of fake teeth. Leslie, sorry that my dentist career never blossomed. I know those teeth could have come in handy for you.

4) I've never broken a bone in my body (well, I did crack my finger trying to catch a baseball when I was 9) but I don't really count that. Lots of years playing sports, and a sprained ankle is my worst injury. I'm very thankful.

5) I live in a community where I know adults who go by Boo, a woman called ButterBean, and a guy named Buckshot. For real.

6) I don't usually remember my dreams. But from what I do remember, I often fly. Almost always, actually. The other day I dreamt that I was stuck with a group of people that was taking a tour to India. Everybody else took a plane, but I didn't want to be with the group. I wanted to get there faster so I could do my own tour. So I flew myself (I also remember flying West instead of East to beat the plane.) I woke up before I got there.

There you go...

Amanda and Christian, I tag you. (And I finished painting my house too. Pics are coming.)

Relevant theology from the man outside the Family Dollar

2008-10-28T20:30:00.005-04:00

Here's how the conversation went:

Older Man walking by my car in the parking lot: "Hey girl, why did you make it snow today?"

Me: (somewhat surprised) "Oh, you can't blame me for that. Plus, it's not a bad thing. There's always a winter before every spring."

Man: "Yeah, I was teasing you. I love the weather, I love the snow, I love rain, I love tornadoes, I love hurricanes. Why? I'll tell you why -cuz God makes snow, and hurricanes, and tornadoes. If He sent a wild tornado through here, I'd love it. Do you know that God causes hurricanes?

Me: (wondering if this conversation is heading towards a theological standpoint of God causing hurricanes to topple houses and destroy lives...so i decide to play it safe) "Well, I know God is in control."

Man: "Yes, that's right He is. (At this point, he walks towards me and stands about 8 inches from me for the rest of the conversation.) "Now, I don't know where you stand with the Lord, but I'm gonna tell you that He saved my wretched soul. Now, I was just a wretch. A plain wretch. Why people say, 'how could you be a wretch, a good man like you?' But they don't know that I sin every day. That's what I tell people, I sin every day. You know what will get you sent to Hell?

Me: (I'm feeling like I'm in for a sermon, so I decide to beat him to the punch) "Yourself, your own decisions."

Man: "Nope."

Me: "Sin."

Man: "Nope."

Me: "Yourself" (trying again to prove my point...and I'm also mentally guessing where he goes to church. I think it's the fundamental church at the top of the hill.)

Man: "It's the devil. He'll do everything He can to tempt you with something small....and you know how he tempts us - by whispering in our ear. And then we do it. And God says we've got to be forgiven. Even if we haven't done anything wrong that day. Now how can we be forgiven if we haven't done anything wrong?

Me: "Our sin nature."

Man: "Why do we need to be forgiven if we haven't done anything wrong?"

Me: "Sin"

Man: "Why do we need to be forgiven?"

Me: "Our hearts"

Man: "Nope. Your head. That's where the devil works...(and 15 minutes later, he's finishing up his conversation. I'm warming my hands in my pocket and eating a piece of candy I bought earlier...) and you know what I told that preacher? He ain't a preacher. Boy, he looked at me and started in on me, but I said 'the Word of God says Jesus lives in us and that Jesus is the preacher. He might preach for a living, but he's not the Preacher."

Me: "Yes."

Man: (as he's walking away) "You know you better believe everything I said, cuz it's the Word of God. That's how you know it's the truth."

Me: (smile)

AT adventures

2008-10-07T16:33:00.007-04:00

I love the Appalachian Trail. I don't know if I'll through-hike it, but I love every mile that I've been on so far. This weekend, I trekked 20 miles near Pearisburg, Virginia. Here's my weekend in pictures...

I awoke on the second day to this amazing view...

The previous night, I ended up hiking late into the day. I was rewarded with this awe-inspiring sunset...

There are no words...

painting

2008-09-20T22:45:00.002-04:00

Today was beautiful outside. 70 degrees. Sunny. Slightly breezy. Perfect, really.

I decided to paint the outside of my house today. I've been wanting to for a long time. A while back I tried to powerwash it clean and I ended up powerwashing some of the paint off. So...it needed a new paint job.

I think I'm in over my head.

I didn't even get a whole side finished. With the first coat.

At least now I know what I'll be doing every day after work in September...and October. (Today was extra slow cuz I had to wash the house off and try out sprayers and then I decided to paint with the ole brush and roller).

But, I do have to say - I love projects. Especially the ones involving hard work and manual labor. I love the satisfaction that awaits me when I ultimately finish this insanely big task. :)

Chocolate Slavery

2008-09-01T21:04:00.005-04:00

So I realized yesterday that I can be quite the Christian consumer. And by that, I mean that I hear lots of songs and sermons that tell me truth, but then i often still go and do whatever it is I really want to do...in spite of the truth that I just listened to. I want to stop doing that. I want to hear and follow through with action.

There's this song 'Kingdom of Noise' from singer/songwriters juddandmaggie (check out http://www.noisetrade.com/ for a free download of their entire album - it's really good) that talks about how we are constantly bombarded with messages and talk and noise in our culture. We hear, but we don't really hear. And people speak, but they don't really say anything.

And then I heard this sermon by Steve Chalk (my friend melissa blogged about it too, check out her blog http://www.mhayward.blogspot.com/ for a much better description) that talked about the slave trade going on right now. More people have been sold into the flesh trade currently than the total people captured during the transatlantic slave trade. Wow.

And he also said that right now in the Ivory Coast, people of all ages are being bought, captured, and forced into slavery. They work in the fields, harvesting cocoa beans. For my chocolate bars. For my favorite cookies. For my sweet treat at the end of a long day. 43% of the world's chocolate comes from the Ivory Coast. And while we don't know exactly how much of that comes from slave-based farms, you can bet that most of the chocoate on our grocery shelves has at least a bit of slave labor in them.

And then I went into Walmart (after just hearing that sermon) and I bought a chocolate bar and didn't even think twice about it. Man, you talk about hearing, but hearing not - that's me. I got home and realized what I did. So I taped the chocolate bar to my fridge and wrote the word 'flesh' on it. One website I looked at interviewed a young person in slavery in the Ivory Coast. He said, "When you eat chocolate, you eat my flesh." I want to see that bar and be painfully reminded of my responsibility to end modern-day slavery. I want it to remind me that my actions matter. Life is at stake. And I can do something.

Google chocolate and slavery to find out for yourself. And take action.

my other family

2008-08-31T19:38:00.003-04:00

I feel like I have lots of family, when it comes right down to it. Both my sisters and my brother married wonderful people, and along with those fantastic brother and sister-in-laws comes some amazing families. This weekend, I spent the holiday visiting my brother-in-law's family. They have a reunion in Kentucky every Labor Day weekend, and I love joining his family for the celebration. His family makes me feel at home here in the mountains.

This year was the 100 year celebration of his family reunion, and lots of stories were shared about God's faithfulness throughout the years. It wasn't even my family, and my eyes got watery. There's just something to be said for generations of lives being changed because of the faith of one or two people.

I held my 2-month old nephew in my arms throughout one of the services (they have church services all weekend long too - it's half reunion, half revival, really) and was reminded of just how good God is. He's been so good to my family. When I look at my own heritage, I can see the examples of faith in action in my grandparents, my parents, my sisters and brother. They live out his love.

I remember when my sister gave me a journal for my birthday when I was a young teenager. In it she wrote, "Merilee, if I could give you one gift, it would be time spent with God. -Kari" I have always felt that my family's deepest desire for me was that I would know and serve God. And for that I am thankful. So thankful.

The rest of the story

2008-08-12T22:58:00.003-04:00

So earlier I told you about the black dog who came to visit me and oso.

Something happened to him.

It wasn't my fault, I promise.

But there has been this horrible smell coming from the railroad tracks the past few days.

The short story is that little black dog left my yard at the end of last week when my friend Ryan scared him away with a bb gun. I promise that the bb gun did not hurt the dog. It just chased him out of my yard (earlier I tried to scare him away with pepper spray. i did not succeed. he stayed and I had to leave my yard because of the pepper i kept breathing in).

Anyway, i thought little black dog found a new home somewhere else. Apparently, he was crossing the train tracks one day when a train got him.

I couldn't leave him there. So last night (when the smell wasn't so bad and we couldn't see the carnage as clearly), Ryan and I buried him under the pine tree. Next to the cat i buried (again, not my fault. my friend's little black cat died when a truck hit him).

I take back all of my frustration about little black dog. he was a nice dog. kind. affable. forgiving even. i am sad.

black dog

2008-08-01T21:54:00.003-04:00

Oso, enjoying the dirt

i already have one dog. but lately there's this new dog in town...who has taken up residence in my yard. i really dislike him. he's not really too bad, but i just don't want another dog (sometimes i don't want the dog i already have.) and he won't leave either. oso loves him. except when he tries to eat oso's food. and then there's an all-out brawl for the food bucket, which oso always wins. the bigger dog always wins, you know.

the other day i was running after him in the street, trying to scare him away. yelling, stomping my feet, and all of that. where did he run to? back under my fence and into my yard. where he's safe, apparently. it's like he knows i can't really get rid of him. i think he even laughed at me when i slipped on the wet pavement and fell down in my attempt to run him off.

i'm calling the dog pound on monday if things don't change. a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

a deep drink

2008-07-31T22:29:00.005-04:00

july 31st...i love the end of months. i like knowing that tomorrow i'll wake up and it will be a completely new month...it signals new things, new schedules perhaps, new friends maybe, and possible new beginnings.

my good friend emily, who has been on staff with me the past three years, moved away this week. she lived across the street. close enough for me to come to her trailer everyday after work, just to catch up on the day. we ate meals together, discussed life together, picked berries together. i was/am sad.

a new good friend, calli, who I had really only met one time previously, came to visit this week. we went running up the mountain trails, played with kids, and ate well together. she encouraged my heart. my heart is full. i feel loved.

i feel like i'm drinking deeply from the faucet of life right now. experiencing what it's like to really be rooted to one place, one ministry, one hometown area. to feel loss when someone moves. to share joy when someone visits. to trust God's heart. to not look too far ahead, but rather look forward to another day.

another new beginning.

fruit seasons

2008-07-12T23:56:00.006-04:00

The end of May signals the beginning of berry season in W.V. Wild strawberries are the first to come. They hide under their jagged leaves in small patches on the mountain side. Then comes the cherries in mid-June. These are the most fun to pick. Tall trees with their delicious offerings almost out of reach...it's a challenge my friends and I relish! Rasberry season follows in early July. They're easier to reach, and always a bit anti-climatic after the cherries. Soon, we'll hit the Blackberry patches, with their tangy sweetness. I love the summertime in West Virginia.

We like to play and pick cherries at the same time...

The West Virginia state motto is 'Wild and Wonderful' (you can be sure that most people here live up to it, in more ways than one.)

NoiseTrade Widget

2008-07-03T18:09:00.001-04:00

Psalm 139

2008-06-19T13:17:00.001-04:00

I was reading Psalm 139 with students in my Young Entrepreneur Project summer program yesterday, and was encouraged by God's heart for us struggling humans here on earth. So I thought I'd share a few verses. It's from the New Living Translation (read it out loud with a friend so you can listen to the words too. The NLT was translated specifically for hearing the Word.)

(and by the way, the students loved these verses. I've never seen them take God's word to heart more powerfully than these verses.)

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my every thought when far away.

You chart the path ahead of me
and tell me where to stop and rest.
Every moment you know where I am.

You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.

You both precede and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to know!

I can never escape from your spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night-

but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are both alike to you.

Swim, Run, Bike

2008-06-03T20:39:00.004-04:00

This past weekend was a special one. I accomplished a goal that I'd been thinking about, worrying about, planning for, and anticipating this past year. The XTerra triathlon in the New River Gorge. 1.5 mile swim. 8 mile run. 12 mile bike.

I'm glad I finished it. It was an incredible experience.

I'm not exactly sure where I am in this photo, but I'm definitely not in front. This is the start of the race. We were heading towards a class I rapid. My goal was to stay alive, keep breathing, and get to the end of the swim. The current kept me moving quickly. I finished the swim in 35 minutes or so.

Glad to be back on land! (A note to anyone who wants to do a triathlon: wear a wetsuit. It provides extra flotation, abrasion resistance from rocks, and...you just feel cool in one.

Starting the long run.

Ryan is the guy next to me. He works for the same ministry as me, and wanted to do the triathlon too. It was fun to see him at various points in the race.

Also, this picture doesn't do the run justice. We ran on a single track trail that meandered through the woods, up rocks, over creeks, and up to the top of a mountain that was 1000 feet above the river we swam in. It was by far my favorite part of the race.

Heading into the last leg of the race - the bike

It took me over 2 hours to complete the bike portion, but I was just glad to get through it. I felt very unsteady and tired, and took a tumble that landed me over my handlebars and on the ground once. But there was no way I was going to stop. Finish Line, here I come.

My parents, my brother and his wife and son, and my friend Emily all came to watch me compete. I feel like I lived out this dream of mine that at various points in my training, I wasn't even sure I could attain.

A couple years back, my friend Leslie sent me a postcard after she hiked the entire Appalachian Trail. On it she wrote, "Live Your Dreams." I did it. I lived out one of my dreams. And I can't wait for what dream gets planted in my heart next.

Fear

2008-05-26T16:50:00.003-04:00

Nobody likes to admit fear. It feels weak, and sometimes just downright silly. I have a friend who's a bit fearful of rollercoasters (okay, it's me). Once during college, I got on a rollercoaster at King's Island and didn't think I was gonna make it. You know that first part of the ride that takes unsuspecting passengers up a slow, creeping ascent into the clouds right before it plunges back down toward earth? I was panicking on the inside during that part. I wanted to get out. But that seemed even more dangerous. So I stayed in. And I made it through. I think I rode on more rollercoasters that day, having worked through that silly fear. It's amazing how strong fear is.

I swam in the New River Gorge today. I was very afraid, very apprehensive. (I'll have you know, it is the same river that people go white water rafting down...and they have to wear helmets!) I think it was the unknown that I was most afraid of. Can I make it? Will I get really tired? Am I going to accidently swim into rocks? How cold is 60 degrees really? And I tried not to listen to those questions. They would only be answered by doing it. By swimming.

A friend came with me to swim, and I think that was what helped me the most. As we stood chest deep in the water, he said, "Ready?" In my head, I thought "never." But my mouth said "okay." I listened to my mouth and arrived on shore 30 minutes and 1.5 miles of water later. No longer afraid. No more unknowns. Yeah for having a friend along to battle your fears!

why you should wear sunscreen

2008-05-04T15:27:00.002-04:00

You always hear that it's important to wear sunscreen because of damage from the sun's rays that can cause wrinkles, sun burns, and potentially skin cancer. But you never hear that it's also important to put on sun screen when you get numbers written on your arm for a triathlon. Otherwise...

Mountain Do Triathlon

2008-04-30T12:57:00.004-04:00

This past weekend marked an important first in my athletic career. I competed in my very first triathlon! And finished! (always a bonus) Here's how it went down: I ran a hard 5-6 mile loop around a lake with lots of hills. Then it was into the kayak (I hadn't kayaked before, but hard how could kayaking be, right?) for a mile loop in the lake. Then off on the bike for 2 laps around the lake ~ 11 miles or so. I finished in just over 3 hours, and even managed to beat several other women in my division.

It was great!

Sign Language

2008-04-23T20:59:00.003-04:00

Just wanted everyone to know what 'slow down' is in west virginia hand motions...

Put one hand out, palm down, but keep your hand close to shoulder with your elbow down.
Wave your hand up and down like it's a fan, or a flopping fish.
Go stand in the road and do that motion, and cars will slow down for you. Some might even stop to talk to you.

I probably wouldn't slow down for you, though. I might think you were trying to hitch hike but couldn't quite figure out the thumb thing. I don't speak west virginian very well yet.

Kale, anyone?

2008-04-21T22:16:00.002-04:00

Usually my diet consists of whatever I already know how to cook. New dishes are a challenge, mentally, for me. And my objections are always the same.

I don't have time to learn something new.
What if I don't like it? Then my use of my time in the evening will be inefficient to some degree.
My body needs vitamins, minerals, protein, fat, carbs, etc. What my taste buds need are another matter entirely, and they don't rule my life. Except when it comes to sweets. Then they do have the final say.

I've recently mastered this good dish - black beans with brown rice, and some sauteed green peppers, onions, and cheese on top. Basic. Simple. Cheap. Filling. With good protein too.

But...I am seeking to live better. So, in an effort to expand my horizons, sharpen my skills, and prepare for the possibility of ever having a family or husband who doesn't only want to eat beans and rice every meal, I am seeking out new veggies and foods in general to make.

I'm open to recipes and suggestions, any and all. I'm especially looking for great vegetable side dishes, or ways to make funky foods more enjoyable, or great ideas for cooking meat. My only requirement is that it be low in sugar (No desserts, I'm a Newsham, I know how to deal in chocolates pretty well already), high in vitamins and overall nutritional value.

I'm also wondering if anyone knows how to cook or steam kale or asparagus in a way that makes them really tasty without adding a slab of butter?

Swimming Lessons

2008-03-31T21:06:00.003-04:00

I don't often get discouraged at small stuff...like whether or not I can swim, for example. I think that swimming is one of those life skills that seems mostly unimportant except in the rare occasion where you might find yourself drowning in a lake or a river or the ocean...or a KOA kampgroung pool. And then it's important to be able to keep yourself afloat. All other times in life - not a big deal.

My parents had me take swimming lessons several times when I was a young child after the KOA near-drowning incident (short story version - when I was itty bitty, I crept along the side of the pool hand over hand until I unknowingly reached the deep end of the pool. My hands slipped and I began flailing helplessly in the water until my oldest sister spotted me underwater - yeah for goggles! - and came to my rescue. At that point, my parents noticed the commotion, looked up from their newspapers, and heard my saddened cry of 'You let me drown!').

I think I am well over that childhood experience, but I've never quite felt comfortable in the water. I just feel like I can't breath - that's all. No big deal, right? :) Lately, I joined a gym and am trying my hardest to become aquatic Merilee. What's the slowest animal on earth? Put it in water, and that's me. Old women, little child, men who doggie paddle - they all swim faster and easier than me.

But I'm learning to appreciate the challenge. Every day I swim, I tell myself "Never quit, even if you stink at this" and "the reward is who you become, not in what you achieve." I don't believe in the second phrase as much, but it helps me still. Sometimes, I think the lifeguard smiles at me out of pity..."that poor girl, she looks athletic, but she can't swim a lick. I'll have to keep an eye on her in case she starts drowning." Not to worry, Lifeguard. I can't swim, but I've learned how to keep one hand close to the side of the pool...

Appalachian Economics

2008-03-19T19:45:00.002-04:00

I think I take it for granted most days how cheap I can live in West Virginia. Most people might find the economic situation of my community distressed and in poverty, (and it is for most practical purposes, of course. Many people here live well below the U.S. poverty line. But it is relative too. In the global picture, West Virginians are rich compared to the people of Bangladesh...) Perhaps what I am saying is that sometimes having more isn't better. It's just more.

Tomorrow, I'm hiring 2 local guys to help shovel some more coal for me to last the rest of Spring. The total cost of their 1 1/2 hours labor for my 2 months worth of heat? $40 (a fair local wage).

I know people here that bought their house for $6000. That's it. And they bought the house recently, not 50 years ago. $6000 for a house. Wow.

I know families that have gotten by on $400-$500 monthly income. Just enough for the necessities, but nothing left over.

My auto mechanic helped me change my oil filter yesterday (it was screwed on so tight) and wouldn't even take my money. One time, he changed my brake pads, brake shoes, and rotors all for under $200 (which I thought was a good deal.)

I know that my community is still an under-resourced, job scarce, disadvantaged place to live. But it is a place where having the latest television would never compare to having good friendships. Around here, that's priceless.

Round 3!

2008-03-10T23:15:00.009-04:00

It may seem absurd, but I entered a local boxing competition this weekend and fought in my first boxing fight ever. The cash prize for winning the lightweight female division was $500, so I decided to give it a whirl and see what happened.

I'm not fully convinced that I ever want to box again. It was tough. My body was sore afterwards. And I didn't win the $500. Am I glad I fought? Absolutely. It was an adventure that I never imagined I would ever take.

Scroll down to the first video under the blog title "Incarnational Living" to watch a round of my first fight. And then follow the videos up for the next 3 rounds of fight 2. It isn't pretty, but really, when is boxing ever pretty?

And don't tell my mom.

Fight 2 Round 2

2008-03-10T23:09:00.004-04:00

I'm starting to get a little tired at this point, but I keep going...And by the way, the girl I'm fighting is a real boxer. She has a trainer, and is an A-1 rating (whatever that is) and fights people all the time. I tried to keep that in my mind as I dodged her punches. Sometimes winning is all about not getting creamed.

The battle continues

2008-03-10T13:17:00.003-04:00

Then I lost my contact and had to decide to keep fighting or quit...either way I probably didn't have a chance of finding my contact. So I kept fighting. They even found my contact and held it for me the rest of the fight.

Fight #2

2008-03-10T13:11:00.003-04:00

My second fight didn't go so well...

Here's the first part of round 1

Incarnational Living

2008-03-10T13:04:00.002-04:00

I guess I never would have imagined myself fighting in a boxing match. Here's my first fight ever:

Thankfulness - Part Duto (2 in Bengali...I think)

2008-03-04T20:59:00.002-05:00

"...every real Christian, however practical, is in some degree a mystic, his mysticism lying on the upper side of his life. He prays, meditates on spiritual things and communes with God and the invisible world. Also, every Christian, however he may be dedicated to the holy art of prayer and worship, must of necessity descend to work and eat and sleep and pay his taxes and get on somehow with the hard world around him. And if he follows on to know the Lord he must serve in every useful way outlined for him in the Scriptures of truth. To be a Christian it is necessary that he serve his generation as well as his God." A.W. Tozer

I love Tozer's words. I love how for him, effectively living for Jesus means loving and serving the world. And I am grateful that as I live with God, I am a part of His work here on earth. It is a gift to be included in His plan of redeeming the whole world. A gift to be part of God's redemption of McDowell County, W.V. For that I am thankful.

A few other thanks...

The faithful love of my family. There have been countless times where my family met a need in my life this past year, where they've spoken truth into me, and where they've just shown that they're with me in the journey.
Authentic friendship. I cherish the path on I am with friends from across the states, and across the globe. Soccer buddies from IWU days have been faithful and good to me, as well as people I didn't even know until recently that have become close to my heart. New life has been breathed into me recently through their love, words, letters, stories, and faces.
Visible (and invisible) Hope. Can we ever know the fullness of God's loving hope for the world? I have seen it in the expressions of children I work with, in the determination of my young entrepreneur students, and in the small changes of people living in McDowell County. What is unseen is powerful, and it is changing the world...This is My Father's World!

Thankful - part 1

2008-03-02T22:44:00.004-05:00

I was sitting in church today when I realized just how ungrateful I can be sometimes. Ungrateful to God, and for what He provides for me. Just like the Israelites. Instead of remembering God's rescue from slavery, they saw the uncertainty of their desert life and complained bitterly. 'If only we could go back,' they said. Feeling like you're wandering can be discouraging.

Sometimes I feel like that. I don't know exactly the when and the where of life's next stopping point. I forget God's goodness in the past, and I embrace the uncertainty I feel in the moment. It can lead to forgetfulness, and thanklessness. So, here's a summary, for my own sake, of God's recent activity in my life - for which I am overwhelmingly thankful...

My church in W.V. - After several years of searching for a church, I finally found a church that is home. Small, primarily African-American, loud, Appalachian, and with dancing...it doesn't get much different than my white, large, midwestern, conservative church upbringing. But their theology is Christ-centered, and the people love one another. That's pretty much what church is, isn't it? They care about their neighborhood, and they make me feel at home. I've come to love the frantic enthusiasm of the pastor, the faithfulness of the elderly deacon who sits in the front left corner and testifies every Sunday, and the musicians who sometimes jam during the offering to John Mayer's song 'Waiting on the World to Change'...it's good to worship the Creator with them!
A warm home - This winter I put in a coal stove in my living room, and stopped using propane to heat my house. Most people would say it's a step down in terms of luxury, since it takes more effort to use, and makes dusting a daily necessity. However, I still love it. It's cheap and warm. The cost of heating my home in 2008 - $0 (I've been shoveling buckets of unwanted coal from the basement of my ministry's office for free!)
Health - I injured my lower back somehow this past summer, and was slow to get back into shape. But God has been healing me, and I'm now strong and healthy again, and even training for a triathlon I hope to do in June. It's a major goal, and I'm just so thankful that my body is healthy enough now to aim for it.

More thankfulness to follow...

a little ambition goes a long way

2008-01-19T23:09:00.000-05:00

My brother recently got a 1-year subscription of Handyman magazine for me. He knows that I like working with wood, and doing projects around my house, so this was a great gift! (Thanks, Joel!) One of the articles explained how to clean hard water build-up in your shower and get rid of rust stains in your bathroom. They said to use a strong cleaning product like the Works, or any product containing hydrochloric acid and just hold a cup of it under the shower head. Presto - the hard water and rust build up is gone!

It does work, but I didn't fully appreciate the results. I really should have read the directions. It is an acid. So getting it on your skin, even just a little tiny bit, is bad. When it was dripping off of my shower head, I think some of it got on my hands. The fiery red-hot burning sensation went away eventually though. and i didn't even have to call the poison control center like the directions said i should. bonus.

Next time, I'll be more careful.

new music

2008-01-14T20:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've last posted...sorry about that, faithful readers.

I received some new music over the holidays that I'm really loving. Sandra McCracken put out a new album called The Builder and the Architect which is a collection of old hymns put to new music. Simple, pure, folksy sounding - it's beautiful, really.

And I also am listening to Derek Webb's latest CD The Ringing Bell, that's ever so provocative, edgy, and true. One of the lyrics to his songs states, "there's a time for peace, there is a time for war, there's a time to forgive and a time to settle the score, a time for babies to lose their lives, a time for hunger and genocide...and this too shall be made right."

It's rare that you listen to a entire album and like/appreciate every song. I'd have to say that for both of these cds, that is the case indeed. And I'm loving it.

wonderfully sick

2007-12-25T19:10:00.000-05:00

I'm home for Christmas, and so far have had several meaningful and fun memories. Here are a few of those memories, in no particular order:

Ordering 2 speciality frappachino drinks at Starbucks with my sister, and finding out that they messed up our order, so we got two more for free!
Sleeping in the same room and bed with my soon-to-be 4 year old niece, and feeling her little toes and elbows and knees bump me often throughout the night. :)
A Christmas Eve service with friends, and sharing what aspect of the Christmas story spoke truth into us this year.
The kisses and hugs of my sister's 3 beautiful girls.
Coming down with some serious stomach sickness Christmas Eve, and knowing that I would be taken care of well - I was with people who loved me very much.

And the celebration is only just beginning...wow, it is good to be home.

Story

2007-12-12T21:38:00.000-05:00

I went to an Andrew Peterson concert this past weekend. In one word - incredible. He has a Christmas album that is anything but traditional, and goes on tour with a bunch of other great artists every year during the Christmas season. He and his friends sing the whole album from start to finish without any pauses or breaks for clapping. He calls it a Christmas musical, but without people dressed up in camel costumes. :)

I love this musical, because it's all about Jesus. They sing about the Israelites being delivered from Egypt, and the people wanting a king to lead them, about their captivity, and then about a man named Joseph and a girl named Mary. And then they had a little boy - Son of God, Son of Man. I love how every part of his musical, and indeed every part of the Bible is a story belonging to a bigger story. A story that all points to a Savior.

I belong to that story. And I think sometimes, I skip listening to the stories in search of straight meaning and purpose and answers. I recently heard someone say that when we watch a movie, we usually don't immediately ask what the purpose of the movie was right after we're done with it. We usually don't ask for the purpose when someone tells us about an important event in their life. We hear, we listen, and we get it if we're really paying attention.

I guess I want to pay better attention to the stories of the Bible, and the stories of truth all around me. I want to know truth and love and beauty and all that God is. Not by searching for some hidden answer in the stories (cuz stories don't have answers), but rather trusting that the truth that's there will take hold and shape me...if I let it.

Getting into the season

2007-12-02T14:52:00.000-05:00

I don't know why exactly, but I've never had a Christmas tree since moving to West Virginia. Maybe the fact that I'm always gone from my house over the Christmas holidays has kept me from wanting a tree. Maybe it's the fact that trees are always more fun with kids and families to share it with. Maybe I'm slightly cynical when it comes to holiday decor (do you see inflatable santas in every yard where you live too?). But this Christmas season, I took the plunge and bought a tree.

The best part about it was being able to pick it out at the tree farm and cut it down myself. Close to gathering my own firewood (which I'm planning on doing sometime soon) or digging my own coal (I leave that up to the miners), cutting my own tree has renewed my heart - I'm officially 'festive.'

Next year, I might even put up lights around my house. It's a slippery slope, those holiday decorations...

my family

2007-11-26T18:38:00.000-05:00

Living away from family is mostly a bummer, I've decided. I love my family. I love seeing them over the holidays, playing with my nieces and nephews, and talking with my parents, brothers, and sisters. I love every second of it.

And I think being with my family reminds me that I was created for community. But my family is only part of my community. My friends in West Virginia are also part of my community. My friends spread out across the globe are also part of my community. And I think I'm craving more community right now. There's this deep-seated desire I have to connect more with people, to love them somehow, and receive love and friendship from them as well.

I want to work harder on recognizing and celebrating community, however it looks in my life. Today, one of my friends here in West Virginia helped me move a coal stove into my house. (My propane bill last year was incredibly high, so I'm hoping coal will be cheaper and more fun for me to use to heat my house.) Anyway, he always helps me out when I need stuff done around my house that I can't do. He's like a big brother to me in a lot of ways. I'm thankful for his friendship!

Feeling the vibe

2007-11-18T15:38:00.000-05:00

I bought a car last month, but never showed what it looked like, so here he is.

His seats fold down, so you can stretch out in a sleeping bag for the night. He's great!

little brown sign

2007-11-14T19:53:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from a conference/class today and was about 2 hours from nowhere...when I noticed a sign. "Kanawha State Forest" It was brown.

I think I love brown signs. For one, they're not afraid to look ugly. And, what's more important, they point you toward possible unknown adventures. The Federal Highway Administration websites states that brown road signs direct us to areas of public recreation and cultural interest. It could be a snow-mobiling trail or an art gallery...You never know what you'll get with a brown sign.

So, I followed it. 20 miles later, I had driven through a tunnel of orange and yellow leaves, past numerous trails and camping spots, into valleys, alongside a stream or two, and decided that I would come back next summer for the full experience of Kanawha State Forest.

Thank you, inconspicuous little brown sign.

a loitering autumn

2007-11-07T23:09:00.000-05:00

The beginning of October is really pretty in West Virginia. The leaves just start to turn, and every once in a while a burst of red maple leaves shout at you as you drive past. By the middle of October, most of the leaves have begun to turn. I would wake up thinking about how beautiful it was outside. By the end of the month, it was everywhere. Orange, red, yellow, brown, in the trees and on the ground. Just incredible.

By now, almost all of the leaves are falling off. Almost. I'm still waiting for these two trees in a neighborhood near me to turn yellow. They're holding on to their green-ness for dear life. but when they die, it'll be an amazing grand finale to my favorite season of all.

I love seeing the change all around me - I love watching this 'death' take place year after year. I love that it means spring will come again.

rare

2007-10-30T22:46:00.001-04:00

I often forget to be thankful for all the time I have to spend with children and teenagers. Every day after school, it's my 'job' to hang out with kids, or teach young teens how to run their own business, or help a 4th grader with multiplication homework. And I do love it. I love them. And sometimes, I catch a glimpse of their world. I see it through their eyes. I hear their perspective and can understand just a bit more clearly what they experience and how that is constantly and unnoticably shaping them.

The other day, I had this rare glimpse into the world of the 7th grader. There are two 7th graders involved in my after-school business program. I pick them up from school twice a week, and transport them to our ministry's youth center. I am beginning to love those conversations. Not because of what I can say, or how I direct it, but because of the kids' plain honesty and genuiness.

They tell me about their day. They laugh about funny situations. They complain about teachers. They tell me weird dreams they remember from the night before. They tell me the first thing they'll do when they get home. And my all-time favorite discussion topic: they ask how to pronounce words that they're learning from health class. They spelled out some of the words from their lesson on the human body and sexuality...and I couldn't help but giggle. It's like I'm transported back into junior high, and I feel just as uncomfortable as they do (maybe more?). Ah, the privileges of spending time with kids...

Come on, ride the train

2007-10-29T18:56:00.000-04:00

I discovered a new love this weekend. Having decided to buy a car last weekend while I was 8 hours away from West Virginia, I had to leave a car in Indianapolis while I drove my new car back to W.V. Thus, I found myself on a Friday night riding a train back up to Indianapolis to pick up the car I left there. It was a great way to spend a Friday night. Seriously.

Yeah, sure it took eleven hours in a train (by way of car, only 7 1/2 hours) but I whole-heartedly still recommend it - travel by train if you can, whenever you can. Think of the gas you will save by not taking your car!

My favorite parts about the train:

Knowing that there's a good chance the conductor is wearing a funny-looking hat.
Not having to worry about keeping your eyes on the road - somebody else is doing that for you.
Living in the mountains by a river is even better when viewed from a fast train.
Way more leg room than a plane or car
You can bring all the snacks you want!
Time to think...lots of time to think
Arriving at a train depot in the middle of the night with other dreary-eyed passengers and knowing that everybody feels exactly how they look...including yourself.

Every day, I hear trains pass by my house 2-3 times an hour. It carries coal, not passengers, to the rest of the world. I have always liked them, and have gotten used to their engines rumbling past. Now, I'm hooked. I don't know when I'll ride the train again, but I hope it's soon.

On a whim

2007-10-24T18:47:00.000-04:00

I happened to be in Indianapolis last weekend (see yesterday's blog) with my family, and just so happened to notice a used car lot while driving past it, and happened to glance upon a pontiac vibe in my price range...and i just so happened to buy it. I'm glad my dad was with me, because, while I like to feel independent and capable of making important decisions on my own, it's good to have your dad agree with you about your decisions. And it's also good to have your dad help you negotiate with a used car salesman. No offense to any used car salespeople, I just think they aren't so pushy towards me when my dad's with me.

So, I'm pretty pumped about my 'new' car. It's real shiny. I had spray painted my old chevy cavalier where the rust was showing through, so I think this is a definite step up. In fact, I feel like it's so nice I don't deserve it. The coolant doesn't even leak! It's incredible.

And I also know that God provided it for me. I mean, God didn't necessarily write on the wall, "Buy the Pontiac Vibe in Indy this weekend..." But He did provide the funds necessary to get a good used car. One that is comfortable and safe and efficient. And I don't deserve it.

Absent and thankful

2007-10-24T00:39:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. And I have reasons a plenty. Busy weekends, having no desire to be online, trying to catch up on missed 'Office' episodes, and so on and so forth...you know how it is.

I kinda feel like my computer is like my silent accountability partner...just waiting for me to talk and be honest again...it's visible presence a reminder to connect myself to others and to take time to reflect in writing.

So, I went to Indianapolis last weekend to see my new nephew be dedicated in church. I love this little 5-month old boy. He's a gift from God. And my brother and sister-in-law are wonderful loving parents. It's all so good. It was good for my heart to be there with them, celebrating with them their joy - their son - their blessing. It reminded me of God's words to the Israelites right before they were to cross over the Jordan and claim the land God had brought them to.

He reminds them that they are entering a place "with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards you did not plant." They would constantly use and be among things of value that didn't come from them. They had no claim to self-sufficiency, nor could they boast of themselves. Thankfulness - their only option. God had given them everything.

God has been good to my family. He has given us much. My heart is thankful for Levi, my nephew. For bringing him to my brother and sister-in-law, and providing Levi with a family of love. I am thankful. We are thankful.

Traveling Ahead

2007-10-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

I've been on the road a lot recently. It's been good, but also tiring. Last weekend, I traveled to Indy to see my brother and his wife and new son, and then headed over to Illinois to be with my parents. Sunday, I spoke at my home church. It was a full day, but really encouraging for me as well.

I think speaking about life and ministry in West Virginia always challenges me: I find myself thinking, 'how can i put this all into words?' And somehow, God always shows me how to speak and gives me the words and His wisdom. This weekend was no different. And I'm thankful for that. Plus, my home church was incredibly affirming in their encouragement and support of me.

This weekend, I'm off to Roan Mountain, Tennessee for some backpacking with Mel. My favorite hiking spot with a good friend...can it get any better?

Next weekend, I'm back to Indy for my nephew's dedication at church. My whole family will be there - i can't wait for that!

The only sad part about all this traveling is my dog being alone...I don't miss him much, but I think he misses me. This past weekend while I was gone, he chewed off the water spicket outside my house. Water was gushing freely for who knows how long! His favorite chew toy is a 6 foot long drain pipe, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. :)

I'll write more next week.

I'm in it for the eggs

2007-10-02T23:02:00.000-04:00

My dad grew up on a farm in Canada, but he went to college and moved far away from farm life, never to return again. Except for family vacation. Every summer, my parents would load up my brother, my sisters, and me and take a 3 week vacation out west. We visited the farm ever summer. The smell of cows, the old barns to play hide and seek in, fields and fields of harvested wheat (or whatever it is my uncle grows)- I think I grew to love farm life (or the idea of it at least.) So now I've become a farmer. Kind of.

This past spring, my friend Emily and I bought 12 laying hens and set them loose in a fenced-in yard near where both of us live. (don't worry, we got permission first.) These hens lay the nice brown eggs - their yolks are richer, more orange than yellow, and apparently better for you. I don't know if you can technically call yourself a farmer when all you have are 12 hens, but it's a start. The other day, someone dropped off 5 more hens and a rooster. Since 2 of our previous hens had disappeared (we think it was a fox), we now have 15 hens and a nice manly rooster.

Today, a friend of mine showed me how to tell the chickens apart (It's hard when a lot of them are the same color). Their comb is different. I didn't know what the comb was, though, so that didn't help. (It's the part on top of their head that's red. Some hens have bigger combs, some have smaller one...anyway). So, I'm learning the ropes. Next spring, we're hatching off some diddies (i.e. baby chicks). And I might even take a couple hens to the slaughter house this fall for some fresh meat. I think my grandpa would be proud. :)

Mouse in the house

2007-09-25T16:57:00.000-04:00

Last night, i woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So I just layed in bed, thinking of fun memories from this past year. Here's some of my favorites:

Flying to Colorado to see Rudy, Mandy, Raleigh, Riccara, and a whole bunch more of my college friends!
Getting all dressed up with some friends here in W.V. to go take pictures at the Wal-mart portrait studio.
Being with my mom on Mother's Day for the first time in a long time!
Spending the night on top of a mountain in a thunderstorm.
Watching my friend Angie and her kids play in the ocean for their first time.

So, as I was enjoying my memories, I heard some scurrying in my room. It's not even winter yet! but here they are. maybe it's only one mouse...or two. but they'll be gone soon, i can guarantee that.

the perfect truck

2007-09-19T22:51:00.000-04:00

I've been on the hunt recently for my next used car to own. My chevy cavalier has peaked out at 206,000 miles, and it seems like the engine has breathed its last. I could put a 'new' (i.e. used engine with 60,000 miles on it) into it for $900 dollars, labor included. My mcdowell county, W.V. friends tell me to replace the engine and keep it going. But i'm just not so sure...

So, I'm dreaming up the perfect car to replace it.

Good miles per gallon (save the earth, right??)
Stick-shift drive (way more fun)
Space to haul my dog or my bike or my backpacking gear in the back
Not a bank-breaker
Low mileage

Any suggestions?

I will say this, though. Living in West Virginia makes you want to own a pickup truck. Then I would be a real mountain momma. I could mount my shotgun in the back window and the rebel flag painted on the hood. I think I actually get get away with that here. Crazy...

if it's yellow, let it....

2007-09-16T18:16:00.000-04:00

Can anyone finish the above phrase concerning water conservation use in the bathroom?

I just came back from a weekend retreat with 40 middle school students who have joined a watershed conservation group at their school. With 40 13 and 14 yr. olds, I'd hardly call it a retreat. A chaotic break from normalcy is maybe more like it. But it was good. I got to spend some good one-on-one time with students that I have mentored in the past. And I also received some valuable info on water conservation.

In case you didn't know...

5 gallons of water is used each time you flush the toilet
Keeping the water running while you brush your teeth uses 2 gallons
For every minute of your shower, 5 gallons of water goes down the drain
1 quart of oil spilled into a creek contaminates 250,000 gallons of water

But here's the real crazy info that is hard to digest...

60% of all sewage in my county goes raw into the creek, no treatment, no filter!
Last week, a diesel truck flipped over on the road near the creek in front of my house. 7,500 gallons spilled into the creek, killing 2,500 fish in 4 miles of stream.

McDowell County, W.V. is a small dot on the USA map, that's for sure. But one day, I hope, that dot will have properly treated sewage.

As for me, I'm thinking of putting a composting bathroom in my yard...(well, maybe not)...

here goes something

2007-09-13T22:13:00.000-04:00

i've been a bit sluggish in entering the blog world...but my cool friends all have blogs. plus, there is just a lot of good stuff i've been reading in books recently that i have to share. like this:

"Cutting down on certain foods is good for our health and the planet, while caring about where our food comes from and what conditions it and its growers live under is good for the soul." J. Matthew Sleeth

I've been reading Sleeth's book, Serve God Save the Planet. It forces you to think - what kind of choices can i make that would be good for the planet and good for others. it reminds me that my relationship with God is deeply connected with my relationship with others, which is also deeply connected with how i treat the earth.